Zoro's New Bling
by Splatter Fall
Summary: Sometimes it would be better if Luffy kept his treasures to himself.
1. Chapter 1

Nami could barely contain her excitement as she herded Franky into the dining room. So far, this had been a perfect day. The morning had been spent shopping in a paradise of a port town, just her and Robin, with Franky as a pack mule. Peace and quiet and _adorable clothes_ for hours! The weather was heavenly, and she had barely had to pay full price for anything she purchased since almost every shop keeper they had encountered was male, and her top was particularly cute today. Cute meaning low-cut_._

And her good luck had only increased as they were all making their way back to the ship.

Franky, who had deposited Robin and Nami's shopping bags on the dining table alongside the orphaned wooden chest the navigator had adopted, now stepped aside so Nami could rush over and pop the padlock open.

Honestly, your day just couldn't get any better when treasure fell from the sky.

Er, well, more accurately when treasure was bounced out of a passing cart and none of the passengers of said cart even noticed.

Nami's eyes gleamed as the lock gave under her practiced hand and fell to the table with a metallic _thud._ She wasted no time, quickly flipping the lid open to examine the chest's contents.

Yes, it was as if a goddess of fortune had smiled on her this fine day, Nami decided as her gaze roamed over her prize. She had been expecting gold, but what she got was even better.

It was an entire two-foot-square chest full of _jewelry._ Diamonds and emeralds and rubies and sapphires and gold and silver and everything gleaming in the light in an absolutely perfect way. Nami's hands fluttered over the chest and she bit her lip as she tried to choose which object to pick up first.

By now, of course, most of the crew had gathered to see what the fuss was about. Only Zoro, Sanji and Chopper were missing, the swordsman most likely napping, the cook off making lunch for everyone and the doctor away in the infirmary.

Franky peered over Nami's shoulder and studied the treasure chest, giving the navigator a jolt when he said, "Do you have to try to be this lucky, or does it come natural?"

Nami grinned and started setting pieces out on the table around the chest, Luffy and Usopp leaning over the other side of the table to get a better look.

"Where'd it come from?" their captain asked as he surveyed each treasure Nami laid on the table.

"We happened across it while we were in town," the navigator said gleefully, and everyone exchanged knowing looks. The navigator ignored them. She could see a small black box buried beneath the loose jewelry in the chest, so she dug for it. Why was that in there?

"Bet all of this will fetch a pretty penny," Usopp commented as he rounded the table to lift a diamond bracelet Nami had discarded. "Glad we left before someone started looking for it," the sniper added with a nervous sort of laugh. Robin, who was standing next to Nami and studying a dark amethyst necklace, offered Usopp a reassuring smile.

"Not like it really mattered," Nami said absently as she continued digging, then was finally able to tug the black box free of the chains and gems. It was thin, maybe an inch and a half deep, and about seven by six inches across. "No one saw us pick it up, and even if they did, we were long gone before--" Her sentence ended abruptly on a sharp intake of breath when she lifted the lid off the box, her eyes widening.

Robin blinked and shifted to look at what had silenced the navigator, and she breathed an amazed sigh when she saw it. "Oh my.."

Nami had thought the loose jewelry was impressive, but she realized she had found the crown jewel of the collection. Settled on black satin and glittering in the light was a choker made of fine gold filigree and set with bright pink gemstones of varying sizes, all laid out in an artful arrangement with a large faceted oval stone at the front. Smaller teardrop-shaped gems fell along the bottom edge gracefully. Even the clasp was beautiful, a carefully-crafted series of hair-thin gold wires, it probably didn't even look like a clasp once it was shut.

Nami didn't even realize everyone else had gathered behind her to stare at the piece over her shoulders until Usopp bumped into her and snapped everyone out of it. The navigator blinked rapidly, jarred back to reality, and took a steadying breath.

"It's lovely," Robin commented as Nami set the box on the table

"Wow," Nami agreed.

"One of you should try it on," Brooke suggested as he stepped away from the group to regain some personal space, and Nami laughed lightly.

"No," the navigator said, shaking her head and gesturing absently as she looked around for the box's lid, "I'm just putting it up until we reach the next port, then-- _Luffy!_"

The captain flashed a wide grin at the navigator as he bolted for the exit, the delicate filigree masterpiece grasped tightly in one hand. "I'm gonna go show Zoro!" he tossed over his shoulder, and Nami turned murderous as she ran after him, leaving everyone else blinking in confusion.

Luffy made it outside and to the lawn without being caught, which was quite a feat since he had basically stolen treasure from Nami. But it wasn't just normal treasure, he thought excitedly as he ran around the lawn in search of the green-haired swordsman. This thing was totally cool!

Luffy found Zoro propped against the railing, minding his own business and seemingly asleep. The captain smiled and slowed to call to him, and that was when everything went to hell.

Nami caught up when Luffy slowed his pace, and since she hadn't expected the abrupt stop she crashed into Luffy's back and sent them both pitching forward, Luffy flailing for balance but still losing his feet. They both fell in a heap on top of Zoro, who grunted at the impact as Nami shrieked and Luffy yelped.

They all ended up in an undignified tangle of limbs, all three of them momentarily stunned. Nami somehow ended up caught in the middle, one leg sticking up in the air and an arm pinned behind her own back, so even though she was the first one to recover her bearings she was the least capable of freeing herself.

"Luffy you are so dead! Give me back that necklace!" the navigator cried futilely from within the human knot.

"Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me!" Luffy grunted, muffled by someone's leg on his face.

"Will someone get their elbow out of my neck," came Zoro's equally-muffled voice from under Nami's shoulders.

It took quite a bit of work for the trio to get themselves together enough to disentangle, but once they were loose, Nami pounced on Luffy and shook him by the front of his vest. "Luffy I can't believe you! Give it back right now!"

"I-- don't-- have-- it--" Luffy said, his words jarred with each hard shake.

Nami blinked and paused in her attempt to rattle the life out of the rubber man. "What?"

"I think I dropped it," Luffy said, straightening his hat, which had been tossed around in the scuffle, and looking down to see if he could spot the necklace on the floor.

"Dropped it?" Nami parroted, brows drawn together as she too started scanning the lawn. "Well then where--"

"What the hell?" Zoro snarled, reminding the other two of his presence, and they both turned to look at the swordsman. He was still sitting on the lawn, now with his legs folded and both hands at his neck, looking thoroughly irritated, and not just from his rather rude awakening. "Stupid thing-- What is this?!"

Nami blinked once, then walked closer to Zoro and leaned down to peer at him, her tone disbelieving as she asked, "Is that my necklace?"

Well, it obviously was. The shimmery gold and pink gemstones were visible between Zoro's fingers as he seemed to be having a bit of difficulty figuring out how to get the thing off. It must have, by some freak act of physics, ended up around his neck in the scuffle.

"I don't know," Zoro growled, giving the thing a frustrated yank. "But it wont come off!"

"Don't pull it like that, you'll break it!" Nami said quickly as she knelt in front of him, earning herself a hard glare. She scowled and shoved his hands away. "Just hold still for two seconds," she instructed, her tone exasperated, and reached around Zoro's neck to feel for the choker's clasp.

Surprisingly, Zoro sat still, but after a few moments of fumbling from the navigator and no apparent progress his patience started to wear thin. "What's wrong?"

"It... wont open," Nami said, frowning deeply. She dropped her hands and crawled around to get behind the swordsman and Zoro eyed her over his shoulder.

"What do you mean _it_ _wont open?_" Zoro said testily, and Nami felt around the choker a bit desperately.

"It wont open," the navigator repeated helpfully, prodding and tugging and poking at the choker where the clasp should have been at the back of Zoro's neck but where in reality there was only solid filigree. "The clasp is gone."

"What the hell _is_ it?" Zoro said finally as he felt over the cool metal around his neck.

"This necklace Nami found. It's really cool," Luffy supplied excitedly as he knelt in front of the swordsman. Zoro just cocked a dubious brow at him.

"And probably worth a fortune," the navigator added, and after a moment she produced a small compact from her skirt pocket, flipped the lid open, and held the small mirror up for Zoro to look at.

Zoro snatched the compact from her and his mouth fell open as he stared at his reflection.

"It's _pink!" _He sounded just a little bit strangled.

"Would you calm down?" Nami griped as she went about her poking and prodding at the back of his neck again. "Let me get it off."

Zoro said something under his breath and pulled away from her, startling the navigator into nearly face-planting on the deck. Paying Nami no attention, Zoro reached for his swords and drew Sandai Kitetsu from its sheath. If the thing wouldn't come off by itself, then he'd just have to open it another way.

Nami didn't realize what he was doing until it was too late, and she lunged forward to try and stop him, but she wasn't quick enough. "Zoro, wait--!"

A little piece of jewelry really was no match for Zoro's sword. So it should have fallen open when the blade was drawn across the delicate filigree, but... nothing happened.

Nami stared. Luffy stared. Zoro looked momentarily taken aback, and then started trying to saw the thing off his neck again. Why the hell wasn't it breaking?!

"Oh, knock it off!" Nami rolled her eyes and moved to shove Zoro's hands aside, but the swordsman leaned back out of her reach and continued trying to cut through the choker.

"Why wont this thing--"

"Is there a reason the marimo is trying to saw his own head off? Not that I'm complaining," Sanji drawled as he strolled up to the trio currently having a pow-wow on the lawn.

Zoro almost dropped his sword in his haste to lock his hands around his neck and cover the choker. _Fuck!_ Of all the times for the bastard cook to show up, he had to do it _now?_

"Nami-swan," the cook said abruptly, startled when he spotted her, but he was quickly at her side and offering her a hand to her feet, which she accepted, though she was pretty sure her skirt was grass-stained anyway.

Zoro was trying to figure out how to gather his scattered swords and stand up without dropping his hands and revealing the excruciatingly pink choker locked around his neck, but it was proving quite a challenge and he shot a glare at Luffy when the captain started snickering at him.

"Did one of these idiots trip you?" Sanji asked with an acid glance at the other two men.

"No, we, er..." Nami bit her lower lip, caught in a brief moment of indecision. Sure this situation was amusing, but telling Sanji what had actually happened and showing him the necklace Zoro sported would no doubt spark a session of ridicule and then a brawl, and that would waste time better spent figuring out how to get the choker _off _the swordsman and back into Nami's hands. So finally the navigator offered Sanji a pretty smile and said, "It was a total accident! No need to get worked up about it."

Zoro sent her a look caught somewhere between gratitude and suspicion, which was impressive. But then Luffy ruined everything by saying in a rush, "Sanji you wont believe it, it's the coolest thing ever and look!" and flinging himself on the swordsman to dislodge Zoro's hands from blocking the choker, despite the first mate's vehement objections. And profuse cursing.

A moment of silence passed between the four people standing on the lawn. Zoro had a frozen expression of dread as Sanji stared at the pink-and-gold thing around his neck, and it took so long for the cook to speak that Zoro wondered if he even _would._

But of course he did. "What is that?" Sanji asked, so obviously biting back laughter it was disgusting.

Luffy grinned widely, still holding onto Zoro's wrists. "It's this necklace Nami found, and it ended up on Zoro when we tripped and now it wont come off."

Sanji seemed to consider that, biting his lower lip and regarding the swordsman before exhaling a measured breath.

"This... is quite possibly the greatest moment of my life. It's like a wonderful gift," Sanji said wistfully, and Zoro's shoulders tensed as the blond continued with, "and it's not even my birthday."

Luffy yelped when Zoro snarled and jerked away from him abruptly to lunge at the cook, not even fetching his swords for the attack. He just tried to beat the blond's face in.

Nami edged over to Luffy as the swordsman chased Sanji across the lawn, the cook throwing a stream of gleeful insults over his shoulder. The navigator could've sword she heard the word 'princess' over the sound of Zoro's threats, but she didn't dwell on it, instead sighing a martyred sigh and shaking her head.

With the commotion, it didn't take long for the rest of the crew to gather on the lawn. Sanji changed directions to run over to everyone else with an evil grin and Zoro skidded to a stop when he saw everyone standing there.

Shit.

Usopp and Franky looked sort of stunned when they noticed Zoro, so Sanji sauntered over to them happily. "The marimo's had a change of fashion," the blond explained, and really that was all the trigger the other two needed.

"That's a, uh, super necklace you got there, Zoro," Franky supplied, and cleared his throat.

Usopp bit his lip as he snickered, "The color really suits you." Then the trio broke out into hysterical laughter and Zoro stiffened, his face coloring lightly.

"And the best part?" Sanji gasped, leaning on Franky's arm for support, "The best part is- he can't get it off!" This sent the group into fresh peels of mirth and Usopp ended up on the floor.

Zoro glared daggers. "You bastards, don't think you can--"

"It's not so bad," Brooke said, earning a sharp look from the irate first mate. The musician quickly added, "It could be worse?"

Zoro stared at him hard, his hands fisting, and then Sanji shouted "_No it couldn't!_" and howled with laughter and Zoro tried to charge over to throttle him, but a combination of Nami, Luffy and Chopper in his larger form managed to stop him.

"I'll kill you, you bastards!" Zoro roared, but it didn't put a dent in the noise level from the cackling troupe rolling on the lawn.

"Swordsman-san, try to ignore them," Robin said mildly as she nudged Zoro back toward the dining room.

"Come on, I'll keep trying to get it off," Nami said as she applied slightly-more-forceful measures to dislodge the enraged swordsman from his spot, and they all turned to head below.

"It's really not so bad!" Luffy said brightly, and Zoro sent him a withering look which totally failed to effect the rubber man. Luffy just grinned widely and said, "I mean, at least it's not... um..."

Zoro stared at his captain, sort of hoping Luffy could come up with a circumstance that was so horrible an alternative that this seemed tolerable.

Luffy looked thoughtful and finally said, "You know, I actually think Sanji's right. It's pretty bad."

_God dammit._

! ~ ;3 ~ !

You know what? :'D I was gonna try to explain myself, but... I don't deserve the chance. XD

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it evolved, sort of like a Pokemon, and will now prolly have a few chapters. XD Ohdearlord.

Don't worry, I'm working on Streets of Rosen, for all of you who care. This just, uhm, jumped up and bit me and for some reason it had to be done.

Wtf is wrong with me. XDDDD

Thanks to Lolo for beta-ing! 8D She got on just long enough to read it over for me. :3

P.S. MY TENTH STORY! Yeehaw! -joy-


	2. Chapter 2

After the initial excitement had died down aboard the Thousand Sunny and Sanji, Usopp and Franky had scraped themselves off the lawn, everyone moved to the dining room for lunch. Zoro spent the entire meal shooting death glares at the trio whenever he caught them snickering, which was pretty much constantly, and once the meal was over Nami banished Franky and Sanji from the dining room so she could keep working on trying to open the choker. Usopp was allowed to stay simply because he was the only other person on the ship that might be able to pick a lock.

Now, Zoro seethed as he stared at the far wall, listening to the scraping and clicking of small tools against the back of the choker as Nami worked. They had been at it for nearly twenty minutes, and having to sit there with Usopp, Luffy, Brooke and Chopper staring at him was making the swordsman want to punch something.

He almost wished Sanji was still there. "Any luck?"

Nami let out an exasperated breath behind him and tossed a little metal pick onto the table next to a scattering of other tools that had done her no good. "I don't know what's wrong with this thing! It's like it doesn't _want_ to come off!"

"Mystery necklace," Luffy murmured sagely to Chopper.

Zoro cursed under his breath as he heard the navigator's chair slide back roughly, and then Nami crossed the room to retrieve Usopp, dragging the sniper back toward Zoro.

Zoro sent him a narrow-eyed look and the sniper gave a nervous laugh and tried to flee, but Nami shoved him into her abandoned chair and slid the pile of lock-picking tools closer to him with a warning expression.

"Get that thing open and you can leave," the navigator said sharply, and Usopp gulped, but nodded and reached or the tools.

Zoro scowled and folded his arms on the edge of the dining table, tipping his head forward slightly as the sniper set to work and the room fell silent again.

After a stumped moment, Usopp asked, "What exactly am I supposed to pick?" as he leaned sideways to peer around Zoro, and Nami let out a stilted laugh.

"I have no idea!" the navigator cried, and then slumped back in her chair limply. Chopper looked concerned.

"Just find _something,_" Zoro growled back at the sniper, and Usopp 'eep'ed and quickly set to work... acting like he was working.

After five minutes of futile effort the sniper coughed and set the tools down to get to his feet, fidgeting. Everyone guessed what he would say before he even spoke.

"I, er, can't get it open," Usopp mumbled, and then shrugged helplessly. "I can't find anything _to_ open."

Zoro's forehead hit the table with an audible _thud._

Nami kicked her feet and made a frustrated sound, then sat forward on the edge of her seat, elbows on her knees and scrubbing her hands over her face.

"What are we going to do?" Chopper asked as he looked between each of the people in the room and Usopp walked over to join them, leaving Zoro at the table.

"We'll have to wait until we reach the next port," Nami said, sounding defeated with her face in her hands. "We'll try to find a locksmith. Until then, he's just going to have to wear it."

Across the room, Zoro made a weird sound and scrabbled at the choker. He ended up falling out of his chair.

Luffy pointed and laughed and Nami debated jumping off the ship.

~ ;3 ~

The next morning, Zoro sat in the observation room and scowled out at the ocean as if it were the cause of all his problems. Next to him on the bench sat the dishes from his breakfast, since he had chosen to eat up in the tower rather than dealing with Sanji in the dining room. And he had good reason for this decision after what the cook had pulled at the previous night's dinner.

Everything had been going fine until Sanji had set Zoro's plate on the table and the swordsman had heard the sound of barely-silenced laughter coming from Franky and Usopp as they watched from the other end of the table.

Zoro had glared at them, but his intended threats had died in his throat when he looked down at his plate. It was in the exact same frilly arrangement as Nami and Robin's. Sanji had even set a tiny vase with a flower in front of him while managing to keep a straight face.

"For you," Sanji had said dramatically, "the prettiest princess in all the lands."

And then Franky and Usopp had both toppled onto the floor in peels of laughter and Zoro had turned a shade of pink that matched the necklace almost perfectly and Sanji had started laughing so hard he forgot how to breathe. Then Zoro had tried to stab him with a knife from the table and Nami had knocked their heads together and kicked them both out of the dining room.

So no, he was not going back in there this morning. In fact, just staying up in the observation tower until they reached the next island sounded like a really good idea.

As that thought replayed in his mind, Zoro scowled and dragged both hands through his hair viciously to clear his head of such stupid ideas. What was he thinking? Letting himself get chased off just meant the bastard cook had won. And dammit, there was no way in hell Zoro would let that happen.

With a new sort of determination, Zoro pulled the black bandanna off his left arm and unfolded it. He fixed it around his neck so that every bit of the sparkly choker was hidden from view, covered by black cloth, and then he turned his attention back to the window and the ocean beyond it.

Soon Brooke would take over watch, and when he did, Zoro planned to find a spot on the deck and take a nap. He just wouldn't let those three idiot's taunts get to him. He was in complete control of himself and his emotions, and he could damn well ignore Sanji _and_ his minions if he put his mind to it. Good plan.

~ ;3 ~

Zoro decided, a few hours later as he sat in the aquarium room ripping pink ribbon bows out of his hair, that his plan sucked. Not only had napping left him vulnerable to ambush, but even when he woke up and tried to catch the bastards they managed to get away. It was like they had their escapes planned beforehand, and with Usopp on their team, Zoro wouldn't put it past them. And the bastard cook taunting that they were "just trying to help with his new look" had left him in a foul mood.

And now he was here, trying to clean up the mess from their latest attack and what the hell were these bows _glued in?! _"Agh!"

"Swordsman-san?"

Hell. Zoro turned toward the doorway and spotted Robin studying him with a touch of surprise, a glass of ice water in one hand an a closed book in the other. Probably looking for a quiet place to do some reading away from the chaos on deck.

Zoro said nothing as she walked further into the room, her expression shifting from quizzical to understanding.

"I would ask what left you in such a state," the archaeologist said as she moved to stand next to the swordsman, "but I think I have an idea."

Zoro chose not to reply, hoping Robin would just leave. He glared at the room at large and tried to snatch one of the few remaining pink _things_ out of his hair, but whatever glue had stuck them there to begin with had almost completely dried by now, and he growled as he gave a hard yank that only resulted in an aching scalp. He was then startled when Robin knelt down next to him, setting her book and glass on the floor by his leg. "What're you--"

"It's a little trick I know," Robin said with a hint of a smile, and nudged Zoro's hands out of the way as she caught an ice cube out of her glass. Zoro watched her from the corner of his eye as she studied one of the ribbons, and then there was an ice cube in his hair.

Well this couldn't get any better.

Robin must have noticed his disgruntled expression because she laughed and said, "Be patient."

Zoro eyed her, but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. And in the next moment, the previously well-stuck ribbon tugged loose and dropped to the floor with the few he had managed to yank out before the glue had dried.

"How'd you do that?" Zoro reached up to pat his cold, wet hair where the ribbon had been.

Robin set her attention on getting the last ribbon out with the same methods, and once it joined the others on the floor she gave a triumphant smile.

"The ice freezes the glue," she explained, "just enough that it will come loose."

Zoro filed that tidbit away for future reference. After a moment, he cleared his throat and offered the archaeologist a mumbled 'thanks' and moved to get to his feet. Robin gathered her book and glass and rose as well, but she didn't turn to leave. Instead she tipped her head and said, "Something tells me you could use a respite from the antics of a few certain nakama."

When Zoro just cocked a brow at her, Robin gave a pleasant smile and continued; "Navigator-san says that we will reach an island by early evening. You're more than welcome to spend the few remaining hours until then in our quarters."

Taken aback by the offer, Zoro blinked and then looked at her suspiciously. "Why're you offering?"

"That glue that was in your hair," Robin said with a gesture toward the bows on the floor, "Usopp managed to spill a few drops on the novel I was reading. Sanji apologized profusely, but the last two pages were stuck together, and though I managed to clean it, it wont be dry until late tomorrow. No permanent harm done, but I think taking away the source of their amusement is suitable retribution."

"Can't you just throw them off the ship?" Zoro deadpanned, and Robin laughed.

It took a bit of doing on Robin's part to convince Nami that letting Zoro hang out in their quarters was a good idea, but eventually the navigator consented. Robin pointing out that one of the pranks the other men were pulling might end up damaging the necklace had seemed to sway the navigator to their side.

Zoro didn't realize what other perks were involved in the arrangement until he was following Robin toward sanctuary and Sanji caught sight of them. The cook's jaw almost hit the floor, his expression absolutely priceless, and Zoro sent him a wolfish grin before disappearing through the door to the women's quarters.

Score one point for Zoro.

~ ;3 ~

As it turned out, Nami had been spot-on with her prediction and the Thousand Sunny reached an island a few hours before dark set in. But the town they found themselves in was a large one, and since they didn't have _much_ time before night fall, it was decided that splitting up to search the town for a locksmith was the best plan. If the team without Zoro found the place first, then they would just retrieve the rest of the crew and take them there. And if the team _with _Zoro found it, even better, and everyone would meet up back at the ship once dark fell.

So the crew parted with Luffy, Brooke, Franky, and Robin on one team, and Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Sanji and Zoro making up the other team.

Sanji had insisted on accompanying Nami's team so that the navigator didn't have to "tolerate the marimo's presence alone," but Zoro knew, not without an edge of amusement, that the cook was still sore about his alone time with Robin. Zoro had also decided, after Robin had stayed in the women's quarters reading while he napped on the couch, that the archaeologist had a wicked sense of humor. No doubt Sanji had been on the edge of a stroke for the few hours they had been holed up in there, and the languid smile Robin had offered the cook upon emerging hadn't helped to reassure Sanji one bit. The archaeologist seemed content in her revenge.

So despite the constant jabs from the cook, Zoro was in a rather good mood. Whenever Sanji piped up with a comment about his glittery accessory, Zoro just had to slide in an off-handed remark like, "You know Robin's sheets are _way_ softer than ours?" and the cook would either stammer and seethe or be stunned into silence.

And now here they were, strolling down a crowded street in the center of town with Nami leading the group, searching for a locksmith. Zoro hoped to be free of the choker by nightfall.

"Oh! Nami, look!" came Chopper's excited voice and everyone followed his pointing finger over the heads of the passing people. Affixed to the wall above the door of one of the small shops was a sign with one word that made everyone in the group – save for maybe Sanji – grin; _Locksmith._

"Ha! Yes! Chopper, you're wonderful," Nami said gleefully, and then grabbed Zoro's arm to drag him toward the shop. Chopper made a quick comment about how he didn't want her compliments, but giggled as he followed them through the crowd.

Nami slammed the shop's door open and barged into the small space without hesitation, her face set with grim determination and effectively scaring the hell out of the older man behind the counter. "You're the locksmith?"

The old man shuffled out from behind the counter, eyeing the group before him nervously. "Uhm... yes. Is there something I can help you with, miss?"

Nami nodded sharply. "We have a lock that needs opened. Immediately. Zoro, show him."

Zoro glared at her and shook her hand off his arm before stepping forward. Everyone else stood back and the old locksmith turned his attention to the swordsman warily as Zoro hissed out a breath and reached up to tug the bandanna off his neck.

The light hit the choker, it glittered merrily – and pinkly – and the old locksmith burst into a fit of laughter. Zoro then promptly ruined any chance Nami might have had at getting a discount for the man's services by trying to strangle the locksmith.

A few minutes later as Zoro nursed his injured head, having been slugged by Nami, and Sanji smirked at him, having enjoyed that immensely, the navigator spoke with the locksmith in serious tones.

"Look, I know that he's a horrible, violent buffoon," Nami began, and ignored Zoro's growl, "but I really need you to get that thing off him. It's very important to me, you see. Can you do it? Please?" She was giving him the sweet, damsel-in-distress look that anyone close to her knew was a big ol' lie.

The locksmith fell for it hook, line and sinker. He shuffled forward and patted Nami's arm gently with a solemn nod. "Let me have a look."

Nami turned to her friends with an evil grin the old man couldn't see, and Zoro scowled at her as he moved to take the chair the locksmith gestured him to. He sat in it backward, folding his arms on the back of the chair, and waited as the old man retrieved a tool kit from somewhere behind the counter. Then the locksmith shuffled over to Zoro and opened the kit, leaning in to study the choker around the swordsman's neck and making thoughtful sounds.

Off to the side, Nami waited in anxious silence, chewing her lower lip as the old man set to work.

Zoro stared at the far wall and held still as he listened to the clicks and scrapes of metal on metal as the locksmith worked his tools. It was probably the fidgeting of the trio – Sanji was decidedly un-fidgety - across the room that made the minutes seem to pass at an agonizing crawl, and eventually Zoro tried to ignore them, frowning and waiting for any sign of progress.

Suddenly there was a loud click and the locksmith made a light sound. Zoro sat straight up and Nami lunged forward a step expectantly.

"Oops, sorry, dropped my pick," said the old man.

Zoro cracked his forehead on the back of the chair and Nami had to be restrained from mauling the old man.

"Can you get it open?" The navigator asked waspishly as the old man retrieved his fallen tool and set his kit aside.

"I'm afraid not," the locksmith said apologetically. "See, I'm a locksmith... but there's no lock for me to open here. Maybe you could break it off?"

Nami slumped back against Usopp in exasperation. Chopper looked concerned. Sanji looked jealous.

"Well that was a waste of time," Zoro muttered a few minutes later, re-tying his bandanna around his neck as the five of them stood in a cluster outside of the locksmith's shop. Not only had the old man failed to remove the choker, but Nami still had to pay full price for his time and effort. Needless to say, the navigator was now in a rather foul mood.

Nami raked her hands back through her hair roughly, disturbing its usually neat fall. "Dammit, dammit, dammit! What is _with _this choker? Agh!"

Sanji made soothing gestures and Usopp and Chopper edged away from the navigator warily, as if she might attack them.

"Okay!" Nami said abruptly, flinging her arms out and causing the sniper and doctor to yelp and dive for cover behind Zoro. "This is fine. Just a minor set back." She took a deep breath to calm herself, then gave a sharp nod. "We'll just have to find another locksmith, and get a second opinion."

Zoro regarded her with a blank expression. _That _was her great plan?

"A wonderful plan, Nami-swan~!" Sanji crooned. Everyone ignored him.

Nami scanned the surrounding buildings with narrowed eyes, hands on her hips. "I wonder if there is another one in this town...? It's pretty big, so maybe..."

Since the navigator seemed to have calmed down, Usopp and Chopper left their hiding place behind Zoro. But as the sniper stepped back he bumped into a passing figure and started before turning quickly to apologize.

He was faced with a man in a too-familiar white uniform. The cap he wore sported the word "marine" in bold blue text across the front.

"Ah!" the marine said in surprise, pointing at Usopp. "Pirate!"

"Ack!" said Usopp in a matching tone, and pointed straight past the man, "Your mother!"

The marine spun around with a horrified expression and Usopp spun on his heel, arms flung in the air with a cry of, "RUN AWAY!"

They ran. Well, Chopper didn't technically _run,_ since he had attached to Zoro's head at the sight of the marine, but they all ended up fleeing together. Fighting in these crowded streets would only lead to disaster and a lot of injured civilians, and since this town was so big, it was a safe bet that there were a lot more marines where that man had come from. Trying to escape and get back to the ship was a much better plan.

Since they had already been spotted there really was no point in trying to be sneaky, so Sanji and Zoro took the lead of the group, clearing a partial path through the crowd by bodily removing people from their way.

"Where did that marine come from?!" Nami raised her voice over the din of the crowd and the surprised shouts and outraged yells of the people they were dodging around as they bolted through the human obstacle course toward the docks.

"I don't know, maybe they have a base here!" Usopp replied as he leapt over a fallen barrel.

"Well they should have _said_ something!" Nami snapped as she sent two men sprawling onto the cobbled street.

"Like what?!" Usopp squawked.

"How about 'pirates, don't come here or you may _experience contact with marines!'_" Nami yelled back, and then some ways behind them a marine shouted and a gunshot rang through the air. Nami shrieked. What happened to 'stop _or_ we'll shoot'?!

A last sharp turn around a large building and the docks were in sight. This might have been more of a relief had the docks not been swarming with marines. Mama's boy must have called for backup.

"Oh for hell's sake! I didn't even steal anything!" Nami cried with a flap of her arms, and then Sanji stepped in font of her, his expression grim.

"Don't worry, Nami-san, I'll protect you," the cook said seriously, but when he glanced over his shoulder the navigator was gone. "Nami-san?!"

"We'll wait over here!" came Nami's voice from a short distance away where she, Usopp and Chopper had somehow managed to get themselves onto the roof of a one-story building. The navigator waved energetically at the pair still on the dock. "Best of luck! Get 'em, Sanji-kun!"

"How the hell did they do that?" Zoro stared at the trio on the rooftop, then shook his head and turned back to face the marines that surrounded them. Sanji was at his back now, and as the pair watched the marines with narrowed eyes, the uniformed men drew weapons of all sorts and readied themselves for a fight. There had to be at least a few hundred of them, reinforcements having arrived from somewhere else in the town. Probably the base Usopp had guessed about earlier.

Fine, Zoro thought as his lips twitched into a smirk, he'd just use them as stress relief. Beating the shit out of a bunch of marines would serve to improve his mood immensely.

Out of pure habit, Zoro lifted a hand to grasp his black his bandanna and pull it free from where it was tied. What he had just done only clicked with him when the first marine's eyes widened.

Oh,fuck.

Zoro didn't think he'd ever heard a few hundred marines all start laughing at once, and honestly if he _had_ ever expected to hear such a thing, he certainly _hadn't_ expected that he, Roronoa Zoro, would be the source of their amusement. But now he was faced with exactly that situation, with marines cackling and howling with laughter and pointing and laughing _harder_, and he just stood there for a moment in shocked disbelief with his bandanna in one hand and a sword in the other and that stupid pink choker glittering brilliantly around his neck, still unable to comprehend he had actually just _done that_.

"I changed my mind," came Sanji's thoughtful voice from his left, and Zoro sent him a warning look, but it didn't stop the blonde from adding, "_This_ is the greatest moment of my life."

Zoro roared and tackled Sanji into the nearest group of marines.

Up on the rooftop - the best vantage point in the whole town to view the fight - Nami, Usopp and Chopper watched the ensuing carnage down on the dock with increasingly disturbed expressions. And after a few moments, Usopp covered Chopper's eyes with both hands.

He really didn't think marines were meant to bend that way.

! ~ ;3 ~ !

:v I'm not sure if ice works to get glue out of hair, but it works on gum... so I went with it. And I forgot Robin's nickname for Usopp. XDD Forgive me.

As a side note, _wow_, guys. _Wow._ I'm on Favorite Authors lists alongside writers like X-Parrot and PeroxidePest17. D: There are even a few of you who have me as your _only _Favorite Author. ;w; -hugs all of you-

P.S. There's a vague nod to my story _Once Upon A Time_ in there. Didja spot it? (Note: I mean _vague._ Like, you get a prize if you saw it, because it is just that friggin' sneaky. O-o But hey, if you feel like playing detective, try to hunt it out. Or if you spotted it on the first pass, then holy crap are you perceptive. XD)  
_  
Thanks to Lolo for beta-ing! 8DDD_


	3. Chapter 3

It was late at night when Nami found her way to her work room, seeking a quiet place to concentrate on finding a solution to her problem. In silence, her dark eyes skimmed over the map spread out on the table before her. Across from her, cast in harsh relief in the lantern light, was Zoro, leaning with his hands on the table and staring down at the same map intently.

"This is the next closest island," the navigator said finally, her voice subdued as she tapped a finger on the paper. "There are definitely no marines here."

"And how long until we reach it?" Zoro asked without looking away from the speck that marked the next island's location.

"Tomorrow, afternoon at the latest," Nami replied evenly as she mirrored Zoro's position, hands resting in the tabletop. "We may be able to find someone to help us there."

A contemplative silence fell over the room as the pair regarded the map, and their possible salvation. And as distracted as they were, the work room door slamming open to admit a shouting Luffy had both the swordsman and navigator jumping about three feet and screaming.

"I've got it!" Luffy cried in a triumphant manner, and Nami clutched her chest as she whipped around to face her captain.

"A way to get the necklace off?" the navigator asked hopefully.

"No." Luffy blinked at his rattled nakama as they tried to recover. "Are you guys okay? Maybe you should go see Chopper."

Zoro scowled at the thought. Chopper had been busy during the few hours since they arrived back at the ship. No one had been hurt by the attacking marines back at the last town, but after the "Bandanna Incident," Sanji had laughed so hard he had actually managed to injure himself.

"Just tell us what you thought of," the swordsman snapped to get off the subject.

Luffy flashed a wide grin. "I have a worse option!" Nami and Zoro stared at him blankly, so the rubber man quickly added, "At least it's not a _tiara!_" He looked pleased, beaming with his hands on his hips, as if he expected praise for his brilliance.

Nami saved Zoro the trouble of pummeling Luffy by taking the liberty of throwing a chair at the captain's head. Luffy yelped and fled, and the two people left in the room stared after him as the door swung shut solidly.

A short span passed before Nami turned a thoughtful look Zoro's way and the swordsman shifted her a suspicious gaze.

"You know, this is worse than I thought?" Nami said, sounding bewildered. Zoro gave her a confused look and the navigator clarified, "I actually sort of feel _bad_ for you."

It was as if someone had erased Zoro's expression, his face went that blank, that fast. Then, without a word, he turned away from Nami and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" the navigator asked with a frown just before Zoro stepped out of the room.

Zoro didn't even pause or glance back as he stated calmly, "To jump off the ship," and then the door shut behind him with a soft _click._

Nami nodded thoughtfully and turned to fold up the map they had been examining a few minutes earlier. Then she actually registered what Zoro had said, shrieked, and lunged for the door.

"Wait! Zoro! _My_ _necklaaaaaaace!_"

~ ;3 ~

The following day, nearing mid-afternoon, the Thousand Sunny sailed into the calm waters surrounding a small summer island. Nami had told everyone the name, but it was ridiculous and Zoro had given up trying to pronounce it in his head well before he tried actually _speaking_ it. It didn't really matter anyway, because they wouldn't be staying here long. Just long enough to find someone who could get rid of the choker – Zoro had decided to be positive about the situation.

The island was supposedly occupied, but there didn't seem to be any sort of dock in sight, so they ended up settling on dropping anchor not far from shore and using the Mini Merry to get to the beach.

While Sanji, Nami, Franky and Robin headed to shore and the rest waited their turn, and Zoro had to wonder why Luffy, ever-anxious as he was to explore each new island they came across, had waited on the ship with the second party. But then the captain scuttled up to Zoro's side and latched onto the swordsman's arm with a very self-satisfied grin on his face, and Zoro cocked a brow at him in silent question.

"Look!" Luffy tipped his head way back and pointed at his own neck, which now sported a neat band of light blue cloth. It looked like one of Nami's scarves, tied around his neck and falling back over his shoulders, and Zoro had to wonder if Luffy would get pummeled for that later.

"See?" the captain said cheerfully, "Now we match."

Zoro couldn't cover his amused smirk. "Yeah, we match."

Luffy smiled triumphantly and pranced away to join the other again, the scarf streaming behind him, and Zoro watched him go with a short exhale of breath. He could practically see Luffy's logic; Zoro hated wearing the bandanna like this, but if he wasn't the only one doing it, it would be better, right?

How the rubber boy could be so ridiculously immature and yet somehow always manage to cheer someone up when they needed it, Zoro would never know.

~ ;3 ~

It was immediately apparent upon reaching the shore that the tiny island was, indeed, inhabited; there were many snaking paths cut into the jungle that bumped against the beach, the way cut too perfect and clean to be a game trail made by animals. It had to have been cleared by some sort of blade.

Nami had apparently taken charge of the entire inland trek before Zoro's half of the crew – including their _captain -_ had even reached shore, and the navigator's carefully-organized plans were being laid out clearly when Zoro's boots hit the beach. Luffy then promptly ruined all sense of order by flinging himself out of the Mini Merry with a maniac grin and taking off into the jungle without giving anyone a second look. "_Islaaaaaand!"_

_Guess staying back on the ship for those extra five minutes wound him up_, Zoro mused as Nami gave an indignant yell and ran after her captain, signaling everyone else to follow them or be left behind.

Luffy managed to evade Nami and crashed his way half-on, half-off the jungle trail for almost ten minutes before the first signs of human life showed themselves. Said signs of human life might have picked a better time to emerge though, since when the dark-skinned young man with the machete stepped out of the jungle and onto the path, Luffy ran headlong into him and sent them both sprawling in a painful-looking manner.

"Geez-a-frick, Luffy!" Nami huffed as she stomped over to kick the rubber man off the stunned island native. "We're not trying to _kill_ them!"

"Ouch-- Sorry, sorry!" Luffy scuttled away from the wrathful navigator while Franky helped the stranger to his feet, since the man still seemed slightly dazed from the collision. He was of average height, and the combination of a strong build and darkly-tanned skin suggested he spent a lot of time working outdoors. Black hair was tied back in a tail that fell to mid-back, and his outfit consisted of sturdy leather boots and heavy tan pants, probably as protection against the thorny brush that covered the jungle floor off the path.

"I am fine, honestly," the stranger assured once he was on his feet, though his still looked as if he had no idea what to make of the strange group scattered around him. "You... just arrived here?" he inquired in heavily accented English as he studied the group curiously.

"Yes," Nami said cheerfully, hoping to change the subject from the assault of a greeting the man had received. "And I'm so glad we ran into--" Oops. "-- _Found _you," the navigator corrected herself. "You see, we're in a bit of trouble and we were hoping to find someone who could help us?"

The man lifted a dark brow at her and then looked at the rest of the Straw Hats. His gaze shifted to Luffy, then to Zoro, and an odd expression crossed his face before he suddenly grinned widely. Zoro's eyes narrowed in instant suspicion.

"Yes, of course!" the man said happily. "You are very, very lucky! I am one of very few people on this island who speak English. Very lucky!" he continued in that same excited manner as he put the machete away in its sheath against his lower back. "My name is Ahmi. I will take you to my father. If anyone here can help you, he is the one." He gestured for Nami to follow, and then turned to walk off down the path at a quick clip.

All of the Straw Hats exchanged a look, a few of them shrugged. At least he seemed friendly, right?

As a unit, they all followed after Ahmi.

~ ;3 ~

As a guide, Ahmi was quick and experienced, leading his charges through the maze of snaking trails at a pace that made it almost difficult for the pirates to keep up. But no one complained and soon Nami was able to give up her position as human leash for Zoro when Ahmi led them off the path into an area of jungle completely cleared of underbrush, which was a welcome break after being surrounded by the suffocating jungle.

Out of the jungle and into the village. It was an abrupt change from trees and underbrush to small houses and hard-packed dirt paths. People were scattered about the streets going about their day-to-day activities, and Ahmi didn't even hesitate to lead his impromptu tour group right into the heart of the village.

Just about every person the Straw Hats passed stopped whatever task they were working on and stared at the pirates, some with interest, some with nervous expressions, and most looking completely confused. Who were these weird people who just marched into their village?

Nami plastered on a cheery smile for the crowd and just kept walking, hoping that good behavior and Ahmi's apparent confidence would keep the other villagers from getting too antsy.

Keeping Luffy from running off at every whiff of cooking meat in the village was a task accomplished by the combined efforts of the entire crew, and soon the intact group found themselves led to the largest cottage in the village. Whereas the others were one-level structures, this one had a second floor and was much more expansive. There was a small group of people outside, and Ahmi smiled when he spotted an older man sitting in the sun in front of the house.

"There is my father. Come, come," Ahmi said brightly, and Nami glanced back at the herd of people following her.

"You guys want to spread out a bit?" the redhead suggested, thinking that facing the entire lot of them might be a bit... overwhelming.

Sanji and Brooke, having already been distracted staring at a group of lovely girls in low-slung gauze skirts, immediately gave their full agreement for the idea and ran off in a blur. Robin just laughed and suggested she keep an eye on them before heading off herself, though she was probably more interested in learning something about the village. Franky followed her with a shrug, which left Nami, Chopper, Usopp, Zoro and, strangely enough, Luffy.

Nami turned a questioning look to her captain. "Don't you want to go explore?" He'd been itching to do just that not five minutes ago...

Luffy just grinned. "In a bit. I wanna meet the old man, too!"

Nami hesitated, running disaster scenarios through her mind and debating whether to allow this, but a call for attention from Ahmi had her hissing out a breath.

"Fine," the navigator said as she pointed a finger at Luffy. "But you _behave. _Got it?"

"Got it." Luffy gave a serious nod and Nami eyed him before turning to head for the group Ahmi waited with.

As the reduced group of pirates finally stood facing Ahmi's father, Zoro became slightly less sure about their intentions. Everyone was giving Luffy weird, lingering looks, and it was starting to get on the swordsman's nerves. So with a scowl he shifted a step closer to Luffy, and as always, the captain remained oblivious.

"I would like to introduce you to my father, village chief," Ahmi said, and then turned to speak to the man in question in a language that totally escaped the grasp of any of the pirates standing by.

Ahmi's father was an interesting figure in his own right. He was obviously up in years, his dark skin sporting wrinkles around the eyes and mouth - Nami was hesitant to call them _laugh lines _due to the severe frown on the old man's face - and his black hair streaked liberally with silver, until there was more of the grey color than black left. He lacked a shirt, and his torso showed off an impressive mapping of scars which he seemed to wear like trophies. And yet despite this gruff appearance, fixed around the village chief's neck was a fetching stone cuff in dark blue. In fact, Nami noted as she scanned the group of people seated around Ahmi's father, all off them had cuffs like that, except that six of the eight men wore _black_ collars and Ahmi's father, and the man next to him who seemed about Ahmi's age, both wore blue. The younger man's was a light sky blue, however.

Finally Ahmi stopped speaking in that rapid and confusing language and turned a reassuring smile on the pirates.

"I have told him you are no threat and that you are seeking help. He is willing to hear you out," Ahmi said, though he seemed to have expected that from the start.

Nami let out a relieved breath and looked to the old chief as he got to his feet. "It's sort of an odd predicament, but we're desperate," she said, and Ahmi translated her words as she spoke. "See, my friend over here has--"

"Wait, wait," Ahmi said, interrupting the navigator. She looked mildly annoyed, but let him talk since it seemed the chief had something to say.

"My father wishes to know why your prince isn't presenting your request," Ahmi said.

A pause.

"Huh?" Nami gave him a bewildered look, and her confusion only increased when Ahmi gestured to Luffy, who stood by picking his nose. Uhg.

"Your prince," Ahmi repeated, and now everyone was looking at Luffy again. "And my father would also like to know why his guard has been wearing such a scowl this whole time."

And now everyone looked at Zoro, and Nami felt like her brain was spinning.

"Wait, wait, he's not a _prince," _Nami informed them. "He's--"

"I'm going to be the Pirate King!" Luffy interjected brightly, and when Ahmi translated, the chief gave a grin that seemed full of... approval. And then Luffy started chatting at Ahmi, who translated to the chief, and Nami stared at them all like they were crazy.

Prince Luffy. Oh this wasn't even funny.

"The guards must wear the black collars," Robin commented from Nami's left, about giving the navigator a heart attack since she hadn't made a sound when she returned.

Nami clamped a hand against her chest above her heart and frowned at Robin, sure one of her damn sneaky nakama were going to give her a real heart-attack soon. "What?"

"Look." Robin gestured to the six men around the chief, all huge guys built like tree trunks, all of them sporting weapons. "What he said about Luffy's 'guard' scowling at them... He must have been referring to Zoro, since his guards seem to be wearing the black collars and Zoro is wearing his bandanna." Now she gestured to the swordsman, who was still eyeing the natives with suspicion.

Nami stared. "Wow. Just... wow," she breathed, and Robin had to laugh.

~ ;3 ~

"Such beauty! Such grace! In all my years I have never seen someone as elegant as--"

"May I see your panties?" Brooke's voice cut in, and Sanji immediately face-planted from where he had previously been kneeling before of one of the dark island girls, one of her hands clasped in his as he swooned and waxed poetic. Now he leapt to his feet and somehow managed to kick the much-taller musician in the side of the head.

"How dare you talk to a lady like that?!" the cook demanded in chivalrous outrage. Though it was a wasted effort when a moment of knocking Brooke's head sideways was ended by the sound of three girls giggling. Sanji turned a confused look their way, hesitantly lowering his leg when he saw that the girls were, in fact, laughing behind their hands in an almost conspiratorial manner.

Two of them nudged the slightly-taller – and probably slightly-older – girl forward and she offered them a coy smile and a bat of her long eyelashes.

"Our... panties?" the girl asked, pronouncing her English carefully and with a lilting accent.

"Yes," Brooke said hopefully, and Sanji found no words to contribute.

"Oh, I am very sorry. We cannot show you our panties," the girl said, and the two men before her sagged in defeat.

"Perfectly fine, miss, I was--" Brooke tried to clear up, but the girl interrupted him; "You see," she said with that same little smile, "we do not _wear_ panties."

Brooke and Sanji stood stock still as the words sank in, and the trio of girls giggled louder and huddled together. The two men present exchanged thoughtful looks, considered the girls, considered her words, and then simultaneously pitched backward into a totally manly pile of euphoric goo.

Halfway across the little square and just close enough to have caught the gist of the exchange, Zoro gave a derisive snort and folded his arms. "Morons."

"What was that, marimo?" Sanji snapped, on his feet and in Zoro's face in half a second.

"Agh, quit breathing your nasty breath all over me," the swordsman griped, tipping his head to the side as if trying to escape the noxious cloud of Sanji's stink. "You smell like an ashtray-- I think you just gave me lung cancer."

Zoro could almost see smoke shoot out of the blonde's ears, and he had to stomp on a triumphant grin.

"Pardon me," Sanji seethed, "I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities, _princess._"

And it was on. Zoro aimed a punch for Sanji's smug face and Sanji ducked and snatched the bandanna off the swordsman's neck, and then they were rolling across the ground shouting curses and generally mauling each other and disturbing the peace.

Brooke didn't mind, since he now had the girls all to himself, but _Nami_ was less than amused.

"What the hell do you idiots think you're doing?!" the navigator shrieked, teeth seeming much sharper than they had a moment earlier.

Sanji immediately froze and started an apology that was abruptly cut off by Zoro head-butting him in the face, which knocked him back on his ass. Nami stepped between them before they could jump each other again.

"Gah, is your head made of _brick?!_" Sanji groaned, rubbing his forehead and glaring past Nami's leg. Zoro just glared back, so Nami clocked them both over the heads with her notorious Fists of Death.

"Shut up, the both of you. You're embarrassing beyond reason." The navigator huffed and set her hands on her hips as the pair agonized over their newest injuries. It was only then that Nami realized everyone in the village square was staring at her, and she stiffened. Oh, crap.

"I'm so sorry about these two," Nami said quickly, hoping to heal this while she still had a chance. "They're always doing that. I'm very sorry about--"

"No, no, nothing of the sort," Ahmi said with an edge of uncertainty. "My father was just thrown by your treatment of your princess."

A beat.

Luffy blinked. "... You mean Nami?" He pointed at the navigator, but Ahmi shook his head. "... Robin?" The stumped captain now pointed to the archaeologist, but again, Ahmi shook his head.

"No, the one who was posing as your guard. A very clever way to hide your princess, covering the royal pink collar with a soldier's black," Ahmi said approvingly, and all of the Straw Hats froze on the spot.

"Wait," Nami cut in, frowning faintly, and jabbed a thumb in Zoro's direction. "You mean _him?"_

"Yes," Ahmi said brightly. "Unconventional, but your customs are obviously different from ours. We are--"

"Whoa, wait, you've got the wrong idea," Zoro said quickly as he lurched to his feet, trying to nip this in the bud. "I'm not-- What are you doing?" He stared blankly at the man now standing in front of him, the younger man with the light blue collar who had previously been seated by the village chief. And if the guy invading his personal space wasn't weird enough, the slightly-taller man then chose to grasp one of the swordsman's hand and _raise it to his lips._

"My brother, prince Azrai, would like to request your princess's hand in marriage," Ahmi informed them, sounding thrilled about the whole thing.

None of the pirates could even react at first. Zoro was so stunned he couldn't even move. Sanji was so overwhelmed he couldn't even laugh.

"I can't even laugh," the blonde stated tonelessly.

At the stiff reaction, the man still holding Zoro's hand looked a bit unsure and said something in that rapid foreign language. Zoro reluctantly looked past him to Ahmi, who translated with a faint frown, "He wishes to know if his looks do not please the lovely princess?"

Zoro's jaw almost hit the dirt. Nearby, Sanji looked thoughtful.

"No, I was wrong," the blonde said. "I can laugh." And then he proceeded to prove this statement true by keeling over in what was probably a painful bout of raucous laughter, clutching his sides and rolling in the dirt. Usopp, Luffy, and Franky joined him on the ground not a second later, and Nami was laughing out loud, and Robin even had a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her own laughter. Even _Chopper_ was giggling.

In the face of such betrayal, Zoro did the only thing a self-respecting – and still sane – man _could_ do.

He turned on his heel and ran away screaming.

~ ;3 ~

This was it, Zoro raged as he stormed back onto the Thousand Sunny and headed straight for the hatch leading to the observation room, only stopping long enough to grab the first mirror he saw before heading up. This was absolutely the last straw. Even he could only take so much abuse before he snapped, and after days of humiliation he was damn well sick of it.

He had arrived back at the ship ahead of the rest of the crew – somehow without getting lost - so he had at least a few minutes before they caught up with him. He used the time to his advantage; after shutting the hatch behind him firmly, he hauled over two of his larger weights and set them on the door, then moved around the room locking windows. He made sure everything was shut tight to prevent Nami from gaining access. She would just try and stop him.

Once the room was secure, shut and locked, Zoro cast a brief look through the window toward shore and then grabbed his swords. The choker was coming off, today, one way or another.

~ ;3 ~

The second pirate to reach the ship was Nami, since once she had recovered from her fit she realized that Zoro wasn't the only one who had fled; he had taken the choker with him. And they hadn't even had a chance to see if anyone on the island could get the thing off!

So now, in a right displeased mood, Nami stomped back onto the ship and immediately headed for the observation room with Sanji hot on her heels. Luffy followed behind them both with Zoro's black bandanna clutched in one hand.

Nami reached the hatch with the full intention of unleashing her full wrath upon a certain swordsman, but her way was blocked by a door that refused to budge. But she still had her mad on, so she scowled darkly and slammed a fist into the wood.

"Zoro!" she screamed at the hatch. "Open up _right now!"_

"Idiot marimo, how dare you lock Nami-san out?!" Sanji shouted in equal – if slightly more misplaced – anger. "Open the door!"

Luffy took one look at the scene and back-peddled, choosing not to remain in an enclosed space with those two. He was rather attached to life and even his rather mediocre survival instincts told him that hanging around was a bad idea.

~ ;3 ~

Zoro didn't know how long he'd been in the observation room. After Nami had stopped her futile screaming to open the damn hatch – Franky must have stopped her from having Sanji just kick it to smithereens - he'd lost track of time. Not that any of this time spent in the tower had actually paid off – he hadn't made any progress in getting the damn choker off. He'd succeeded in giving himself innumerable hairline cuts all _around_ the choker, and he was pretty sure his left shoulder was bruised from when he got pissed and tried to crush the necklace with a weight, but none of this had proven useful. His efforts hadn't even put a scratch on the fine gold; he kept checking it in the mirror after each new attempt, hoping for some sign that he wasn't just wasting his time.

Now sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, Zoro groaned and set the mirror aside. It was dark out, he noted with a sidelong glance toward the window, and late by the looks of it. He'd definitely missed dinner... He'd be surprised if anyone was even still up. Looks like he'd done nothing but earn himself a sleepless night on watch. Beautiful.

Zoro made a frustrated sound and dropped his head back on the edge of the couch to stare up at the ceiling. Defeated by a necklace. He had to admit, he hadn't seen that one coming.

With a mirthless laugh, the swordsman dropped an arm over his face to cover his eyes. He was completely out of ideas of ways to get rid of the choker. He'd tried everything he could think of! As it stood, he'd be stuck with the thing forever. Wouldn't Sanji get a kick out of that?

That thought was so depressing that it killed any shred of hope the swordsman had left. But he had no options left; the choker wouldn't break, it wouldn't cut, it wouldn't just open...

"_Please_ come off," Zoro said to the empty room, and cringed at how pitiful his voice sounded. But then as if n response to his words, a tiny sound echoed in the empty observation room.

_Click. _Metal shifted, and the choker slid effortlessly free of the swordsman's neck to drop to the floor without another sound.

Zoro was pretty sure his heart stopped. The silence that swept through the room was deafening after the glorious little click, and even though there was no denying that the metal was no longer surrounding his throat, Zoro was hesitant to look for the choker, just in case he _was_ imagining it. But he steeled himself and shifted his arm enough to crack open one eye and peer down at the floor, and there, in a neat little bundle of gold and pink, the choker lay innocently glittering in the dim light.

Zoro let out a harsh bark of laughter and snatched it off the floor as he lunged to his feet. He yanked open the lock on the nearest window and flung it open wide, then wound his arm back, intent on flinging the choker off into the ocean where it could _rot, _but a thought struck him, a thought so grand that it served to still his arm.

Oh, no, the swordsman mused as he gently shut the window again and looked down at the bit of shine he held. He had a much better plan for this...

~ ;3 ~

As always, it was before daybreak when Sanji rolled out of bed and padded out of the men's quarters to head for the galley. Other than whoever was on watch, he was always the first up; he had to prepare breakfast for everyone, after all. So the cool morning found Sanji winding his way to the kitchen, still rubbing sleep from his eyes and stretching to wake himself up. He was just fuzzy enough that he almost missed the one thing that had changed in the galley overnight.

Sanji paused near the sink and looked back to the spot on the counter that had caught his attention, and sure enough the peculiar item was still there. A small round mirror, just propped up on the counter and totally out-of-place in the galley.

With a shrug, Sanji moved to retrieve it. Maybe Nami had left it there on accident? He mused. Well, he would be sure to return it to her at the earliest--

Sanji's thoughts died before their completion when he lifted the mirror from the counter. He had taken an absent glance at the reflective surface and had to do a double-take to be sure he wasn't hallucinating.

But it was still there, staring back at him from the mirror like it wasn't an abomination.

_The pink choker was around his neck._

Up in the observation room, the sound of the cook screaming loud enough to wake every soul on the ship drifted in through the open windows like some sort of wonderful music, and a pleased smile curled Zoro's lips.

Ah yes, the swordsman thought peacefully as he settled back on the bench with his hands folded behind his head, revenge was _sweet_.

! ~ ;3 The End ;3 ~ !

;D I wonder, did you see that ending coming?

HOKAI! This is the end of Zoro's New Bling. Sad, yes (note: lie.). It was freaking fun to write. XD Seriously. Utterly pointless, but_ insanely_ fun.

Yes I know I need to be shiv'd for this.

Lolo, you are the most tolerant, patient, other-words-that-ends-in-an-"ant"-sound person I have ever known, and I thank you for being my beta beta. -cling-

And to everyone who actually READ this, thanks for stickin' by me and this story, and I hope you liked it! Here's an extra token for you guys, to show my gratitude! 8D -flails off into the distant sunset-

! ~ OMAKE TIEM ~ !

Nami paused in her trek to the women's quarters when she spotted Zoro standing at the aft railing, staring down at the water as if he were watching the most interesting show in the world. The navigator felt herself somehow compelled to investigate, and so gave a shrug and walked up beside the swordsman.

A moment, then, "Why is Sanji being dragged by a rope behind the ship?" Nami inquired with a raised brow.

"I told him that's how I got the choker off," Zoro said without any measure of hesitation or guilt.

Nami looked away from the ocean and over at the swordsman, who sported the grin of the endlessly amused.

"You're evil," the navigator stated simply.

"I'll take that as a compliment," the swordsman replied.

"Very good. Have fun," Nami wished as she turned away from the rail to go about to her business.

"Will do," Zoro said amiably as he waved over his shoulder, still staring over the rail.


End file.
